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Movie Review - The Condemned(2007)
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Scott Wiper |
| Starring: |
Stone Cold Steve Austin, Vinnie Jones, Robert Mammone, and the uber annoying Rick Hoffman |
| Rated: |
R (for pervasive strong brutal violence, and for language) |
| Length: |
113 minutes |
| Genre: |
Action |
| Tagline: |
10 people will fight. 9 people will die. You get to watch. |
| Studio: |
Lions Gate Films |
| Website: |
The Condemned |
| Release: |
April 27, 2007 |
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PLOT
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Ian Breckel (Mammone) is a corrupt douche bag millionaire who comes up with the idea to take 10 of the most hardened criminals who are
on death row in third world countries, place them all on an island, and have them fight to the death with the survivor being granted
freedom. Oh, and he wants to make the uncensored violence available online for a mere $49.99. His goal? Attract as many viewers as
the Super Bowl and then laugh at the TV networks for not getting a piece of the action.
Jack Conrad (Stone Cold) isn't interested in playing Breckel's little game. His plans not only including surviving but also exacting a
little justice on the purveyors of this spectacle of violence. Ewan McStarley (Jones), however, is an ex-military Brit with
other plans. A laughable, misplaced attempt at social commentary ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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Embracing the paradoxical nuances of criticizing society's love of violence while supplying that very source of condemnation,
The Condemned takes a long, hard look at life and makes us question who we are, what we accept, and why. What feeds our
need? Perhaps a more appropriate question is what feeds our greed?
Money? A generic, all-consuming lust? Covetousness for that which we do not have? Or do we revel in the misfortunes of those who have
less? Project your anger towards one man, if you must, but examine your heart. Who, truly, are the condemned? The movie's savages
who are on the island, fighting for their survival? Reprehensible though they may be, they're merely snapshots of a slumbering beast
that lies within each of us. No, my friends, as the news lady states, we ... are ... THE CONDEMNED! *hangs head solemnly*
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, right. Do you see how ridiculous the above sounds within the context of discussing a movie produced by WWE
Films, starring Stone Cold Steve Austin? Welp, just imagine how silly it is watching the movie awkwardly muddle through a similar message
amidst a backdrop of the violence and bloodlust it pretends to castigate.
Look, I'm not going to act like I waltzed into this movie expecting anything of substance. No one should be so naive. And do you
really think a Stone Cold or wrestling fan is watching this for an examination of society's ills? I don't think so. All I hoped for
was a plethora of cheesy one-liners, non-stop action, and insanely memorable stunt sequences. Unfortunately, and surprisingly, these
elements are only served in small doses.
The fight sequences? The majority of the early ones consist of a frantic, shaky camera, and lots of close-up shots. Hope you don't
want to see any of the actual fighting! It's annoying, as always, and you better prepare to be dizzy. The action does get a little
better as the movie rolls along, if you can keep from laughing too hard as Stone Cold nonchalantly (and perfectly) lobs an explosive
device into a helicopter that is hundreds of feet away, but nothing stands out. More than 10 people fail to make it off the island
alive, and not a single one goes out in a legitimate blaze of glory. More like a bunch of smolderings of mediocrity.
Why on earth does a movie like this take itself so seriously? You show disgusting acts of violence against women, implications of
rape, and unarmed people gunned down at point blank range, and then you wag your finger at society for being entertained by such
material?
The violence isn't even depicted in such a way as to be ironic. It's just ... violent. For the sake of entertaining with
violence! I suppose the filmmakers feel they can assuage their conscience and pat themselves on the back by acting like they have
something meaningful to say in the process. Sorry, but WWE Films has as much room to lecture on violence as Rosie O'Donnell has
to criticize obese loud mouths.
On the plus side, Vinnie Jones makes a great bad guy, and Stone Cold proves that he can fill a need. He's got a great tough-guy look
and knows how to deliver a cheese-a-licious one-liner, but he needs better material than this. Like I said, I wasn't expecting much,
but I wasn't expecting to be bored.
How hilarious would it be if all the people who went to see the movie ended up feeling guilty by being entertained by such material,
then left early and asked for their money back? Could WWE Films complain? Sure, it'd be a box office bust, but they'd have to
play it off and claim their "message got through," therefore making it a success. I'd laugh at the irony.
But since this is as likely to happen as Alec Baldwin winning "Father of the Year" you'll probably just want to play it safe and
save your time and money.
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ODDS & ENDS
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- Producer Joel Simon has compared The Condemned to such classics as Dirty Harry, Die Hard, and 48 Hours,
calling it a "character-driven, rollercoaster action film - with incredible action and a great story." It has not been determined
whether or not Mr. Simon was able to make these comparisons with a straight face.
- Johnny certainly wasn't able to READ them with a straight face.
- Simon adds, "We've become a society of voyeurs. THE CONDEMNED begs the question of who should now decide what we can or can't
watch. It's a fascinating story." Still, presumably, with a straight face.
- Social commentary, my friends, social commentary.
- The movie was filmed in Australia.
- The stunts and fight sequences were particularly treacherous for the actors and crew. "I didn't want to use effects," says
Director Scott Wiper. "So when you see Steve with a hundred-meter cliff behind him, he's really up there. Or a fight through a
steep waterfall - that was all real. Often, the only thing between the actors and a very long drop was a little cable."
- Wiper hopes that with THE CONDEMNED he's delivered first and foremost a fun, popcorn, action movie. "That was always my number one
priority," says the director. "On the other hand, I think a great action movie has to, on some level, act as a cautionary tale about
violence. There's certainly a theme in this story about the dangers of violence on television and in video games."
- A cautionary tale about violence that attempts to be as violent as possible all in the name of being a "fun movie." Oooooook.
- Adds producer Simon: "The film is certainly going to give the audience all the action they could ever want, but it will also offer
them some thought provoking moments. And I think that's the appeal of this movie."
- All the action audiences could ever want, huh? Note to Christopher Nolan: stop production on The Dark Knight. As of April
27, 2007, movie audiences are no longer in need of any more action. Sorry. Spider-Man 3 and Pirates 3 might want to
go ahead and cancel their upcoming releases as well.
- Simon's right in saying the movie offers some thought provoking moments. Just a few of the thoughts that were swimming around in
my mind while watching this were: "Why in the world are they trying to inject a love story in a movie like this?" "Holy cow, this movie
is already 90 minutes long and the end doesn't appear to be in sight!" And of course, my thought during the news woman's realization
that we are the condemned: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
- Stone Cold was in The Longest Yard with Adam Sandler who was in
Spanglish with Téa Leoni who was in Flirting with Disaster Josh Brolin who was in
Hollow Man with Kevin Bacon.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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Yeah, right. Leave mama, grandmama, the kids, and your Sunday School class home for this one.
Pervasive strong brutal violence - No joke. There is plenty of in-your-face violence to go around. I felt the violence towards women
and the rape implications were too much. Sorry, but I just don't get any enjoyment out of watching women get slapped around senselessly
on screen, even if it is to make me hate a character more. Vinnie Jones shoots a lot of unarmed folks from close range as well.
Language - I'm estimating between 15 and 20 "f" bombs along with a few other verbal unpleasantries scattered throughout.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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The trailer is misleading in the sense that it promises wall-to-wall action and doesn't warn audiences of the ridiculous attempts at
a love story and social commentary.
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THE GIST
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The Condemned is an action film that is surprisingly light on the action. Its odd attempts at a love story and social
statements are nothing more than laugh-out-loud mockable. If you're a die-hard Stone Cold fan then see it at your own risk, but
can't you wait a few months for the DVD release?
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