Movie Minutiae - You Think You Know Somebody
By Johnny Betts, Moviegoer Advocate
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If you have never seen Kurt Russell's Breakdown then you really need to sit down and contemplate why.
What movies have you wasted your time on instead of watching this thriller genre gem? It has all the right
ingredients: deserted Arizona highways, a broken down vehicle, a kidnapping, bad guys that you really want to
see get hurt badly, and Kurt Russell with duct tape. What's not to like?
Sure, you can argue whether or not Kurt's wife would really be stupid enough to accept a ride with a truck
driver who looked like J.T. Walsh, and you can further question whether or not Kurt would be stupid enough
to let her. But once Kurt duct tapes M.C. Gainey's neck to the truck seat while speeding down the highway
and starts slamming on the brakes, do plot holes really matter? I don't think so.
My sister, Amber, had never seen the movie before, so I invited her over to watch it. I recently turned her
into a huge Tombstone fan, so I knew this was a great opportunity to further introduce her to the world
of coolness that is Kurt Russell. One thing my pals and I agreed on after watching Tombstone as seniors
in high school was that Kurt was the man, and we would watch every single movie he ever did. Granted,
Soldier provided a strong argument for why being selective isn't necessarily a bad thing, but Kurt
still rules. Amber now has the luxury of my experience in showing her the cream of the Kurt crop.
So we popped some popcorn, toasted a little Dr. Pepper and RC Cola, clutched the edge of the couch, and cheered
wildly once Kurt was kicking J.T. Walsh straight up in the face, sending him into his barn cellar. A good time
was had by all. Amber was pumped up and all for hunting down some bad guys and playing the "Duct Tape Brake"
game, but it was getting late.
That got me to thinking - has my mom ever seen Breakdown? I honestly could not remember. She loves
thrillers, so naturally I had to recommend this to her. The next day is when it all went down...
"Hey, have you ever seen Breakdown with Kurt Russell?" I inquired.
"Oh. Yeah." She muttered with a look of disinterest etched on her face.
"Why are you making a face? You didn't like it?" I asked, starting to become more than a little concerned.
"Nah. I thought it was boring."
"BORING?? How could you think it was boring?" I couldn't believe those words were coming from the mouth of the
woman who fed me, clothed me, and had a hand in defining the path in life I would take.
"Plus, I don't like Kurt Russell," she unnecessarily added.
My mouth dropped, and all I could do was send an empty stare into the black nothingness that was now seemingly
all around me. I think she said something else, but I couldn't quite make it out. It was at this point that
she turned into an adult from Charlie Brown to me. All I heard was "Mwa mwa mwa" which incidentally is the same
sound of a young man's heart breaking.
My mother, the woman who for years thought Walker, Texas Ranger was the Mt. Everest of TV. The woman who
is known to get teary-eyed when Billy Ray Cyrus reads his vomit-inducing, sap-laced letters at the end of each
episode of Doc was telling me that she didn't like Kurt Russell and she thought Breakdown was
boring.
I'm still in shock, and I haven't spoken to her since. What is there to say? I think Todd Snider said it
best, "You think you know somebody, but man you never do." Todd's song is about the very serious issue
of child abuse, but unique listeners usually find unique meanings in lyrics, and on this day the words took
on a whole new meaning for me.
Billy Ray Cyrus tugs at the heartstrings, but Kurt Russell is boring? I thought I knew my mother, but I
guess I never did.
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