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Theater Review - Paradiso
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| Address: |
584 South Mendenhall, Memphis, TN 38117 |
| Phone: |
901-682-1754 |
| Price: |
Matinee - $5.50 (all ages) |
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Evening - $8.00 (Adult), $5.50 (children and seniors) |
| Website: |
Malco |
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THE THEATER
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The Paradiso is easy to rate because it's the newest and best theater in Memphis. Obviously, it's all
stadium seating, and the sound and picture quality are top-notch. But do you know what really distinguishes it
from the other cinemas in Memphis? THE SEATS!
That's right, the seats are quite comfortable. Whenever a movie is screened at the Paradiso I don't mind getting
there early because I know I can sink into one of the seats and enjoy, as the
Malco website proclaims, ROCKING CHAIR COMFORT! Be careful though,
if you go to see a really bad movie (i.e. a Julia Stiles romantic comedy or a period-based Paul Walker drama)
then there's a good chance that you'll get so comfortable that you fall asleep. It happened to me at
"Hellboy," so don't be so arrogant as to think it can't happen
to you.
There is also plenty of legroom. If you get up to go blow a paycheck on concessions or if you stopped at
Taco Bell before the movie and really need to make a mad dash to the bathroom, you can actually walk in front
of the chairs while facing the direction you're walking! I know, it's such a new and foreign concept that
you probably think it's an urban legend, but it's true. Typically, there's so little room to walk that you
usually have to turn sideways, suck in your stomach, and then apologize to everybody in the row as you step
on their toes and slam into their knees, all while feeling embarrassed and looking like a big jerk. Granted,
if you weigh about 350 lbs then you're still gonna have issues, but most people will love the extra room.
Ticket prices aren't cheap though. Matinee prices are pretty standard, but the $8.00 price for an evening
movie is enough to send my wallet into convulsions. I know, I know, that's cheaper than California or New York,
but if you're paying for 2 then that's $16 (can you tell I have a minor in math?), and that's more than I
pay for DVDs.
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WHAT SETS IT APART
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- 50 Foot Tall "Extra Wide" Screen for the latest releases
- Internet Access Computer Room
- Comfortable seats with lots of legroom
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CONCESSIONS
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You better stop by the ATM if you're planning on eating at the theater. The Paradiso's menu is a little more
diverse than your typical theater because it offers items such as pizza, chicken tenders, fried mozzarella,
fried ravioli, and more. It's easy to see how a person might get excited by such a wide variety of menu choices
at the theater. Well, I'm sorry to say that one look at the prices will throw a soaking wet blanket on the
fire burning in your heart. My advice? Eat BEFORE the movie.
If you insist on the conventional popcorn, coke, or candy, then here's what you'll be paying.
| Popcorn: |
SMALL - $3.00 |
MEDIUM - $3.50 |
LARGE - $4.00 |
| Drinks: |
SMALL - $3.00 |
MEDIUM - $3.25 |
LARGE - $3.50 |
| Candy: |
SMALL - $1.50 |
MEDIUM - $2.25 |
LARGE - $2.75 |
There's not a price there that excites this money-conscious southern boy. The "best deal" is the Large
Drink/Medium Popcorn combo. It's $6.75, and you get free refills. I'd suggest getting to the movie about
15 minutes early so you can plow through round 1 of the coke and popcorn and then go grab refills before the
movie starts. By the end of the movie you'll feel like puking, and your bladder will be the size of Ted
Kennedy's head (well, OK, not *that* big), but you'll have come closer to getting your money's worth,
and despite what the "hokey pokey" claims, isn't that what it's all about?
The best bet is to sneak in your own cokes, candy, and popcorn. It's easy to do. If you're a girl or if you
have a girlfriend, then all that's needed is a monstrous purse. If you don't have a girlfriend then I recommend
working out and spending less time with your Star Trek collection. Or you might try to quit being a jerk to
women. It's amazing how handy a woman with a big purse can be. And I wouldn't worry about getting caught.
As soon as the lights go out I always hear a chorus of coke cans being opened. Sounds like a 21-air-gun salute.
I have yet to see anybody hauled out in cuffs.
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WHAT'S NEARBY
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Want to eat somewhere before or after the movie? Here are your best (i.e. closest) options:
The Blue Plate Cafe - I've never eaten here, but they serve breakfast all day and
are known for their good southern cooking. It's fairly inexpensive as well. My mom gives it her stamp of
approval and you know what that means? Well, just that my mom really likes it.
Here's a review.
Chick-Fil-A - They've got the best chicken sandwiches
around. Sure, you'll pay $4 to $5 for a meal, but you'll get your money's worth. Amazingly, the employees
are some of the most efficient and courteous in the fast food business. But remember, they are NOT open on
Sundays.
Corky's - This is widely considered the best BBQ in Memphis.
I don't necessarily agree that it's the *best*, but it is very good. If you're not from Memphis then you better
go ahead and give it a try. People will bug you about it until you do.
KFC - Sorry to break it to you, all you living chickens, but
fried chicken rules the roost. KFC has some good specials on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday if you're keeping
a close eye on your bank account.
Houston's - I heard it was fairly expensive, so I've never
eaten here. Hey, is there a restaurant in Houston called Memphis'??? If not, then WHY NOT?!?!?!
McCalister's Deli - This is basically a soup and sandwich
deli. But they're "known" for their potato salad and tea. I had their tea once, and to be honest, my life
was neither changed nor altered in any positive way. The food is good, but their sandwiches are somewhat pricey
(most are over $4 or $5) and a little small. The last time I went there I couldn't find my sandwich
and was ready to return the meal, but Stephanie told me to move a couple of chips and VOILA there it was.
What's REALLY weird is that I moved another chip and found Tom Cruise. Strange. Their cheesecake is good
though.
Taco Bell - If you want that "fire burning in the heart"
feeling that the Paradiso's eclectic menu might give you, then I recommend Taco Bell. At least it won't
burn a hole in ye olde wallet.
Wendy's - Home of the square burger! I like their
burgers better than McDonald's, you know why? Because, according to Dave Thomas, "quality" is Wendy's recipe.
I don't know if you can find that at the grocery, but doesn't that just make it even more special? Wendy's
also has a dollar menu, and the Frosty is hard to beat. Unless you use a baseball bat. Then it's pretty easy.
But why would you even want to do that?
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THE GIST
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The Paradiso is the best theater in Memphis. It's in a safe, central location (near Clarke Tower and White
Station High School, my alma mater!), and the sound, seating, and picture quality are all first class. There's
even an "extra wide" screen for the really big releases. You might also be interested in the computer room.
The free Internet access gives you a good opportunity to spend a few minutes on the Movie Mark while you're
waiting for your movie to start.
Make sure and let 'em know that Johnny Betts sent you. They'll give you a strange look, and ask you, "Who?"
But trust me, it'll be worth it.
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