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Movie Review - Dead Weekend
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(What this rating means)
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| Director: |
Amos Poe (who?) |
| Starring: |
Stephen Baldwin, Alexis Arquette, and a bunch of no-namers |
| Rated: |
R (strong sexuality, violence, and language) |
| Length: |
82 minutes |
| Genre: |
Sci-Fi/Bad Movie |
| Website: |
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! |
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PLOT
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Is there a plot to this? Basically, Stephen (who plays a character named Weed - not a good sign) and some
guy you most likely have never heard of (David Rasche, see? Told ya!), are supposed to find and destroy
a female alien. It turns out that the alien has the ability to morph into various female forms and she
gets her energy from, um, having sex. Stephen falls in love with the alien and apparently feels it's
his duty to give her lots of energy. One of the worst movies I've ever seen ensues.
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JOHNNY'S TAKE
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It's Friday evening. You decide that you'd like to rent a good Stephen Baldwin movie. Unfortunately,
when you get to the video store you find that "Usual Suspects" is checked out. "Oh well," you think to
yourself, "guess I'll have to settle for a *bad* Stephen Baldwin movie instead." The video store is your
oyster, my friend, and who knows, you may find another pearl amongst Stephen's work. It's worth a shot.
As you're roaming the aisles, life's cruel hand of fate guides you to "Dead Weekend." Sadly, you decide that
you'll give it a chance, and you don't find out until it's too late that the title of the movie is a fitting
description for any weekend spent watching this tripe.
The only thing going on in this movie is Stephen gettin' it on with five different female forms of an
alien. The alien changes forms randomly, and sometimes she doesn't even know she has changed. Luckily for
Stephen, she always shape shifts into a hot babe.
In the end, Stephen decides to leave the planet with his alien lover, but his former soldier colleagues
feel he's a traitor and try to hunt him down. Oh the tension. Do you think Stephen would've still
wanted to flee the planet with this alien if she started morphing into a Roseanne look-alike with a severe
back-hair problem? I doubt it.
It's no bold prediction to say that I'll never watch this movie again. I have no problem watching movies
that are so bad they're entertaining (Troll 2, a good number of Michael Paré movies), but this movie is so
bad it's just BAD. The only way it could've been worse is if the alien shape shifted into Rosie
O'Donnell every time. The acting was wooden and just horrible, there was no real story or action, and the
music sounded worse than the midnight jam sessions I used to have on my $20 Casio when I was thirteen years
old.
I was bored the entire movie, and I had to fight the temptation to hit "fast forward" harder than Mike D
fighting for his right to party. But I can be a stubborn guy at times. I taped this movie, so I was bound
and determined to watch the whole thing.
Watching the movie wasn't a total loss though. Yes folks, I actually learned a valuable lesson from this
experience - I have really got to learn to be less stubborn.
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MAMA'S APPROVAL
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I don't think *anybody* would approve of this. In all fairness (and I mean in all fairness to *me* because
I shouldn't be forced to watch the longer, unedited version), I must admit I saw this movie on the Sci-Fi
channel, so every time Stephen was about to get some alien love, the movie would cut to a 5-minute
commercial. But I'm guessing the movie probably earns it's R-rating.
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TRAILER COMPARISON
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I don't know if a trailer exists, nor am I gonna go out of my way to try to find one. The sad thing is that
I don't think there's enough material in the movie to make an entertaining 2-minute trailer.
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THE GIST
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I suppose if you enjoy the cinematic equivalent of a hammer repeatedly bashing you upside the brain for
82 minutes, then you might want to check out "Dead Weekend." Otherwise, avoid it at all costs. Literally.
Spend money to AVOID seeing this movie if you have to.
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