"Johnny Betts is a rude 'abnoxious' jerk who needs to be 'punced' in the face."- A
grammatically-challenged non-fan
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contributing.
Feel free to email Johnny your
thoughts, questions, hatred, and praise.
April 23, 2010
REVIEW: THE BACK-UP PLAN
"The women in the screening audience seemed to enjoy the movie, so maybe my lack of
estrogen contributes to my lack of enjoyment. Perhaps anybody who has gone through a
pregnancy will get something out of it. I obviously have never experienced such a thing,
but I sure could have used an epidural prior to watching this."
Click here to read the captivating
review of The Back-up Plan and see
what kind of pain Johnny endured.
Oh, and good news - I'm ALMOST ready to launch the new and improved Movie Mark. I've got a few
things to complete, but we're almost there. Hang tight...
March 5, 2010
REVIEW: ALICE IN WONDERLAND
"For those of you who don't speak Burtonese, what he's basically done is take the Wonderland world, its
characters, a lot of its original well-known quotes ("curioser and curioser"), injected his own story,
and slapped some 3-D on this sucker and released it to the masses. Nothing wrong with that, but does it
work? Well, that's highly debatable."
And it's good change, not the faux, superficial change that Washington always promises in order to lure your
vote but then never delivers. Within the next month or so you'll see the beginning of the overhaul of TMM.
Immediate changes will include a more appealing user interface as well as a difference in how content is updated
and displayed. I'm creating a mechanism that will enable me to update the page much easier. It'll also
allow me to pick a few trustworthy folks to serve as admins and add their own content as well.
I want to get the new site interface up and running, and then I'll deal with the long-term goals after that.
Long-term site features will include:
A registration feature allowing you to become a registered member of the site (this will be one of the
more immediate features).
The ability for you to add comments at the end of articles and to rate the articles. This will let me
know what y'all find most entertaining.
A newsletter and RSS feeds that will allow you to stay up-to-date on the latest happenings.
Opinion polls.
An online store.
Much, much more.
So hang tight; good times are on their way! I've laid some groundwork, but it's still in the testing phase.
Now I have to translate it to TMM design.
Josh Brolin Gets His Own Action Figure!
Check it out:
You better believe that will be displayed either in my house or on my desk at work. Depends on what meets the
approval of the Mrs.
A Day in the Life of Johnny Betts
This conversation occurred at the gym yesterday (a church gym, by the way). The old woman (she had to be
pushing 80) at the front desk had to scan my ID card, and here's what went down. This is no exaggeration:
Old Woman: (said to another old woman on the other side of the counter) You know who
he reminds me of? (referring to me)
Other Old Woman: No.
At this point I thought she was going to say "Josh Groban," but she went a different direction.
Old Woman: I can't remember his name. He's a model on TV.
Other Old Woman: Is she making your day?
Me: Yeah, if he's a model then I guess he's good-looking, huh?
Old Woman: Oh yes. He's got the body of a Greek god. And he has your hair.
Me: Well thank you for the kind words; I'll be sure and tell my wife what you said.
Yep, it's hard being ol' JB sometimes. Just wanted to share a small glimpse of the
humble daily life for yours truly.
January 29, 2010
REVIEW: Edge of Darkness
"Overall, I enjoyed Edge of Darkness. Mel is in excellent form.
His Boston accent (especially when it reaches higher-than-necessary pitches) is a little disconcerting, but he
takes the role and gives it everything that it requires. Let's face it - crazy-eyed Mel is not a guy you'd
want to meet in an alley, and when he's dartin' those crazy eyes at those he suspects might be involved with
his daughter's murder, you can see the inner rage seething beneath the surface. You know the guy is going to
explode at any moment, and you're eager for it."
While the film is enjoyable, is it worth your hard-earned money? Click
here and find out what I think!
January 28, 2010
Back, and Tanner than Ever! Oh, and my REAL Comeback Review...
OK, so I said Sherlock Holmes (which I enjoyed) would be my comeback review. And hey, I actually started
on the review and still plan on finishing it. However, it was just a little too close to Christmas and as y'all
know I had quite a bit going on.
So you know what? Let's make Mel Gibson's Edge of Darkness my comeback review. That'll be tomorrow.
In addition, I'll add some capsule reviews for some movies I watched (or attempted to watch) on my flight to
Maui. I miss cracking myself up with my written hilarity (I still put on daily verbal shows), and I'm making it
a personal challenge to turn TMM into a profitable venture. Your help will be invaluable, and I know I can count
on it.
Let Friday, January 29, 2010 live as the day TMM began its ascent to the mountain peak. I'm sure it won't take long
for it to fall off the side and land in a deep, dark valley, but we'll hit the peak, folks, and we'll marvel
together at the unparalleled sunrises and sunsets we shall witness.
Sure, you'll look off the side of the mountain, reel back in fear, and ask yourself, "What in the world did I get
myself into?" But you'll always have memories of the view, and that, my friends, that is something no one can
take away from you.
December 18, 2009
My Comeback Review
Let's face it - nobody's life has been the same without having my movie reviews around to infuse you with
joy. Admittedly, my reappearance on TMM has given y'all a little warm sunshine on some otherwise
cold autumn days, but the hope of another Johnny Betts movie review is what keeps the majority of you
fighting to live for another day.
Well, good news. I will be seeing Sherlock Holmes on Monday, and I've decided that it will serve as
my big comeback review. There have been a couple of other movies that I've flirted with reviewing, but for
some reason this just seems like the right one.
I know I have just made your weekend, and yes, you may consider this an early Christmas present. Please don't
embarrass me with too much praise and affection. It might just be too much for my humility.
Dollar Tree Cologne
So Kim and I were at the Dollar Tree on Monday, and she was looking for cute little stocking stuffers for
her co-workers. I don't buy Jack Squat for my co-workers, so my attention was caught by a shelf of dollar
tree cologne. They have a product called Jean Phillippe of Paris whose packaging boasts such claims as
"our version of Polo Black."
"Hey babe, check this out!" I exclaimed as I headed over to Kim to show her my latest discovery. "I've
gotta bust this open and check out the scent."
"Please don't spray that on me," was her less than enthusiastic response.
Once I sprayed Mr. Phillippe's version of Polo Black (not on Kim), it quickly became apparent why one
wouldn't want such a scent sprayed on them. A version of Polo Black? Sure, if you mixed Polo Black
with Windex and a little gasoline.
That stuff will clear a room quicker than a can of mace. I think some of it attached itself to one of my
nose hair follicles, and it would not leave my senses the rest of the night.
"Johnny, it's dollar tree cologne. What do you expect?"
I know, I know. But come on, surely you can understand my curiosity, and my curiosity usually leads to an
experience that I can then relay into a story that will entertain all you fine readers. You are welcome.
Johnny's Hot Tip of the Day
Looking for a nice little stocking stuffer, or an add-on Christmas gift? Then bee-bop on down to your
neighborhood Chick-Fil-A and buy a $20 gift card and get a free 2010 Chick-Fil-A calendar to go along
with it. That's a $6 value, plus it has a different coupon for each month.
If you love Chick-Fil-A and don't want to get it as a gift for someone, then here's what I recommend
for the next time you want to go eat at Chick-Fil-A:
Purchase a $20 gift card.
Smile as they hand you your free calendar.
Pay for your meal with your gift card.
Enjoy a year's worth of savings thanks to your handy little calendar coupons.
Send me an email thanking me for teaching you yet another way to make your money work for you.
In all seriousness, how did y'all survive without me? Have a great weekend.
December 11, 2009
Yep, still alive
So, I can't believe it was almost a month ago when I last posted. Time flies when you're planning a
wedding (yes, you read that right). I've heard from about 5 of my 7 fans, and I WILL respond to your emails.
I think I'm going to attempt at least one update a week to get myself re-acclimated while I work on the
new design.
As for movies, well, I haven't seen many lately. Memphis hasn't been getting many screenings lately (due to
the economy), and let's face it - I'm simply not going to shell out $20 to see that many movies when I can just
wait a few months and simply rent the DVD on Redbox for $1.
I did fall victim to paying to see New Moon at the theater thanks to my bride-to-be's love for that
series. That's OK. That'll cost her about six Josh Brolin movies next year (his slate is LOADED).
I will be seeing a screening on Sherlock Holmes on Dec. 21 though! I think I might write a review.
The People Speak Contest
Click here for more details and contest information! Please note that the
opinions expressed in the documentary neither reflect those of nor are endorsed by The Movie Mark.
November 13, 2009
I'm Baaaaaaaaaack
Wow, was I really on a 6-month sabbatical? It's been too long, my loyal Bett-heads. I understand that I probably only have three
readers left, but that's OK. I think I peaked at seven, so I should be able to rebuild my fanbase in no time. I've had a LOT of
cool stuff happening behind the scenes. More on that later.
I will be rolling out a new design soon. How soon? I don't know. Who do I look like, Nostradamus? That dude's dead anyway. I'm
Johnny Betts, you're thankful for it, and we're about to shake up Hollywood for real. I have retrieved my size 11 biker boots from
the closet, and they are in fine condition. In fact, I started three fights on my way to work today and won them all just to prove
I'm still the man.
Oh, and do you like free stuff? Of course you do; you still whine and send me emails begging for free passes all the time. Do I
ever hear, "Hey Johnny, it's been a while! I sure hope you're OK. Is there anything I can do for you?" Nope. It's all, "Hey
abnoxious jerk, where's my free movie passes? Why are you so lazy?" Anyway, I love every single one of you freeloaders, and
here's the proof:
WWII in HD, premiering November 15 at 9/8c on HISTORY
Click here for more details and contest information!
May 15, 2009
Thank you, The Asylum, Thank You
To say I had a busy day yesterday is about as understated as calling Rosie O'Donnell "unappealing." After
a full day at work, I headed to my basketball game at 6:30 where I proceeded to fly up and down the court
for over 30 minutes - my long hair wisping as I ran at breakneck speed. I got off to a slow start -
possibly due to the previous day's brutal jiu-jitsu workout - but I dropped 13 points in the second half to
help lead my team to a decisive 29-point blowout.
I immediately rushed over to my brother's baseball game before I had to boot-scoot it to my softball game.
Not much to say about that except some ESPN highlight plays at 3rd base and my 2-run triple that I ALMOST hit
out of the park. I got home at approximately 10:15, and I had nothing else in the tank to offer the day.
But then I checked my mail, and what did I find? A package from The Asylum. For those who don't recall, The
Asylum is a movie studio that specializes in "mockbusters." For example, when Transformers was released
they had a straight-to-DVD (STD) called Transmorphers. The Day the Earth Stood Still?
The Asylum's version is The Day the Earth Stopped. Truly awesome stuff, and more likely than not C.
Thomas Howell will be starring.
Imagine my joy when I opened the package and found myself face-to-face with Mega Shark Versus Giant
Octopus STARRING LORENZO LAMAS AND DEBBIE GIBSON!!!!! Is it any surprise that my aunt had texted me
earlier that day to look for God's hand in my life? I was reading Proverbs the other day, and Proverbs 12:11
states, "He who tills his land will be satisfied with bread." Folks, I tilled hard yesterday; God provided
the bread.
On the back of the DVD case is a picture of a giant shark (A MEGA shark, some would say) leaping out of the
water and catching an airplane in its teeth. Wow. That's some shark! Apparently, the California coast is
terrorized by two enormous prehistoric sea creatures as they battle each other for supremacy of the sea. Oh,
and this puppy's got special features! "The Making of" featurette and the Bloopers should amount to a bevy of
unintentional entertainment.
I will watch it soon, and oh how I'll review it. This is exactly the kick-start I needed. How can you go wrong
with a movie whose visual effects are by somebody calling himself "Tiny Juggernaut"?
May 1, 2009
Did Johnny Betts Die?
Enough of you have asked about my whereabouts (2 out of my 7 readers, to be exact), that I decided I might as well
address my dwindling audience. Life has been busy, and my attempts at a screenwriting career haven't exactly made
it any less hectic. Within the past month, I've had so much going on (including behind-the-scenes work on the site's
new design) that I just haven't had the opportunity to update the content of the site.
Oh sure, I could've inundated the site with frequent updates of the "Hey did y'all hear Adam Lambert on American
Idol last night? That one scream he held for about 2 minutes sounded like he was getting a prostate exam from
Captain Hook" variety, but I figured y'all deserved better than that. Wait a minute; that's actually on par with
some of my best material. Um, never mind. I was going to act like I would only post updates if I could give it my
all, but let's face it - I've always been the king of half-rear-ending it. Sure, I'm so hilarious that even my
sub-par efforts help me maintain my status as "funniest guy on the Internet named Johnny Betts," but man, imagine
if I actually tried? I might actually say something legitimately funny every now and then. Seriously. It happened
once in 2006. I was hit with a split second of inspiration. Somebody even emailed me about it. I think the exact
message was, "Whoa. I actually chuckled at something you wrote today. Anyway, where can I get free passes to the
movie screenings?"
It's not easy being an Internet icon in your own mind.
It also hasn't helped that Memphis has not gotten any screenings recently of movies I've wanted to see. State
of Play? How about State of Not Playing an Advanced Screening in Memphis. The new Wolverine
movie opening this weekend? Nope. Memphis got no love with that one either. Oh sure, we're still saturated with
the likes of Hannah Montana and 17 Again, but life's precious, and I must be more judicious with how
I allocate those vaporous minutes.
Anyway, all that is to say hang on just a tad bit more. The world hasn't heard the last of Johnny Betts.
Opening this Week - Battle for Terra
Anybody ever heard of Battle for Terra opening this weekend? Me neither, but here's a plot summary:
Senn and Mala, two rebellious alien teens, live on Terra, a beautiful planet that promotes peace and tolerance, having
long ago rejected war and weapons of mass destruction. But when Terra is invaded by human beings fleeing a civil war
and environmental catastrophe, the planet is plunged into chaos. During the upheaval, Mala befriends an injured human
pilot and each learns the two races are not so different from one another. Together they must face the terrifying
realization that in a world of limited resources, only one of their races is likely to survive.
A CG-animated science fiction action adventure, Battle for Terra is directed by Aristomenis Tsirbas (The Freak, Terra)
from a screenplay by Evan Spiliotopoulos (The Jungle Book 2) and Tsirbas. The film is voiced by an all-star cast
including Evan Rachel Wood (The Wrestler, Down in the Valley), Luke Wilson (3:10 to Yuma, Blades of Glory), Brian Cox
(Zodiac, The Bourne Supremacy), David Cross (Kung Fu Panda, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), Justin Long (He's
Just Not That Into You, Zack and Miri Make a Porno), Amanda Peet (Syriana, A Lot Like Love), Dennis Quaid (Vantage Point,
Far From Heaven), Chris Evans (Push, Sunshine), James Garner (The Notebook, Space Cowboys), Danny Glover (Shooter, The
Royal Tenenbaums), Ron Perlman (Hellboy, Alien: Resurrection) and Danny Trejo (Halloween, Grindhouse).
Rated PG for sequences of science-fiction action violence and some thematic elements
Running Time: 91 minutes
In RealD 3D
The 3D version of Battle for Terra is showing exclusively at the Malco Paradiso in Memphis.
Danny Trejo's voice is in this sucker? Sweet! The above failed to mention Mark Hamill's lending his vocal talents as
well. Now, here's the question I have - Danny Glover was in The Royal Tenenbaums? Oh, I don't doubt that he was,
but I simply can't recall his role or what he did. Wouldn't Lethal Weapon have been a better reminder of who this
guy is and what he's been in?
Hey, you're gonna see a LOT more nit-picking from now on. You better go ahead and learn to deal with it.
"Hey Johnny, what about the other movies opening this weekend?"
What about 'em? I was asked to mention Battle for Terra, and I did. You think I'm gonna willingly plug Ghosts
of Girlfriends Past of my own volition? Please. And perhaps if my friends at Fox would've hooked me up with some sort
of screener of Wolverine then I'd be plugging it ALL OVER THE PLACE, but noooooooooo.
Listen up, studios - I'm ready to sell-out. To an extent. Send me an email and we'll discuss my limitations.
March 27, 2009
REVIEW: The Haunting in Connecticut
Hey, y'all remember when I used to write reviews? Well guess what? I just wrote another one!
Click here to read my review of
The Haunting in Connecticut. Just how much
of it is actually based on a true story? Check out the review to find out.
March 24, 2009
SCREENING: The Haunting in Connecticut
I've got some passes left for TOMORROW'S (Wednesday) screening of The Haunting in Connecticut. So here's
the deal - I'm going to show up early, and if you need and want passes then feel free to show up early yourself
and look for me. The screening is at Paradiso. The movie starts at 7:30, but you'll need to get there
between 6:15 and 6:30 to get a pass from me and get in line.
I'll be easy to find because you should know good and well what I look like. If you're having trouble locating
me then just look for the extremely good-looking guy with the long, flowing, rock star hair.
March 12, 2009
WrestleMania XXV - live Sunday, April 5th at 8pm/5p only on Pay-Per View!
Are you interested in putting your video editing skills to the test in an attempt to win $5000? Or would you like to
at least have an opportunity to win a Wrestlemania prize (t-shirt, wristband, or video game)? Click
here to find out more and to sign up for your chance to win.
Dream Home 2009 on HGTV
Find out the winner of this year's Dream Home 2009 by tuning in on Sunday, March 15, 2009 at 8pm/7c on HGTV.
Upcoming Screening: The Haunting in Connecticut
After a family is forced to relocate for their son's health, they begin experiencing supernatural behavior in
their new home. You know why? Because that sucker turns out to be a former mortuary! Yeah, not good. It's based
on a true story. Just do a Google search on "Carmen Snedeker" and you'll find all the info you want on the
supposed true events that inspired the movie.
You can also do a Google search for "Ray Garton" and "In a Dark Place" and find some interesting comments from
Mr. Garton, the author of the book that was based on these same events.
The screening will be Wednesday, March 25th at the Malco Paradiso Theater at 7:30 pm, and I'll be receiving passes!
Hopefully there will be an upcoming screening I can attend and give out these passes (can't go to the Knowing
screening on Monday). I'll keep everybody updated.
Oh, and apparently this screening is also sponsored by break.com.
Feel free to check them out and see what all they have to offer.
March 6, 2009
Mini-Review: Watchmen
Word to parents: For the love of Pete Rose, PLEASE do not take your kids to this! Do not give them
permission to see this! Don't fall for their pleas of, "But mom, it's just a comic book movie!" Yeah,
a comic book movie with "f" bombs, G-d**ns, sex scenes, nudity, a giant blue tallywacker (what my dad told
me the male genitalia was called when I was a kid) all over the place, meat cleavers in skulls, an attempted
rape, brutal violence against women, a little girl's leg being torn apart by dogs ... you gettin' the gist
here?
Having never read the graphic novel, I was taken a bit aback by the excess of it all. I've grown
accustomed to Spider-Man and Batman, and yes, the R rating let me know this would be a bit different, but I
had no idea it'd be THIS different. It's all very intense. And would someone please get Dr.
Manhattan a loin cloth? Have a little modesty, dude.
The movie accomplishes its purpose. It's got a 416-page story to tell in the span of about 160 minutes. Not
an easy task, but it's one that Zack Snyder and crew have pulled off. It's visually arresting, beautifully
choreographed, and mostly engaging. Some of the acting ranges from stilted to over-the-top, but overall
the actors fit the characters very well.
You'll have to look past some questionable makeup issues (Carla Gugino as a 70-year-old looks laughably
fake), and there is a bit of fat that could use trimming. We did NOT need to see the graphic sex scene
between Nite Owl and Silk Spectre. I assume it's in the graphic novel, but it should've hit the cutting
room floor along with so much else that did. It doesn't propel the story in the least. Actually, it
brings the movie to a halt and even caused a bit of snickering amongst the viewing audience.
And 99 Red Balloons as a song choice? Really? In a movie of such Armageddonistic (yes, I made up
the word) proportions?
My advice? If you're a fan of the graphic novel then you know exactly what to expect, and you should be
highly entertained. This was an ambitious project, and I honestly believe the filmmakers accomplished
what they set out what to do. Now, that doesn't mean it's going to be accepted by the average moviegoer.
It's quite long... and fairly weird at times. If you're expecting The Dark Knight or Iron Man
then you need to take a deep breath and reconsider.
The one thing that EVERYBODY can agree on is Rorschach is awesome. The most principled of all the
characters in the film, he's got the best dialogue (delivered with a delicious paint-peeling growl by
Jackie Earle Haley) and simply owns every scene he's in. When he'd disappear for stretches, I'd find
myself simply wanting to get back to his storyline.
That's it. And remember, if you take your young ones to this one then I'll somehow find out and have social
services pay you a visit. Don't test me on this.
The Movie Mark's Second Birth
OK, so here's the deal. The launch of the revamped Movie Mark has been delayed because I've been waiting to
finish everything and adapt all the old pages and THEN update the site, but that's doing no good. So within
the next couple of weeks I'm completely scrapping the site as it is and starting afresh. I'll upload old
stuff a little at a time, but I think this is the best route to take.
Stay tuned.
Screenwriting Update
A few of you have expressed interest in my screenwriting, so I thought I'd let you know that I'm actually
working on two screenplays at the moment. One is a Western tale of redemption and forgiveness. The other
is a comedy based on the trials and tales of the life of a movie screener. For those of you interested in
giving constructive criticism (who I know I can trust), I'll offer the screenplays for you to read and
review. Let me know, and I'll let you read the first few pages and give me some feedback.
February 23, 2009
Johnny Recaps the Oscars
Didn't feel like watching four hours of rich, self-important elitists congratulate each other on making movies that
nobody watched? Did you DVR it but haven't decided if you're going to sit through it or not? Let me save you the
trouble with the official Johnny Betts Oscar Recap:
Josh Brolin lost.
The Dark Knight got ROBBED!
I will likely refuse to ever watch the Curious Case of Benjamin Button because I don't like supporting
thieves.
Sean Penn was, is, and shall forever be a douche.
You're welcome.
Johnny Betts Working Feverishly on Western Screenplay
I know I haven't been updating the site recently. Mainly, I'm just lazy and don't feel like it until the new design is
launched. But my official excuse is that I'm hard at work on my Western screenplay. I don't like to use hyperbole all
that often, but it'll probably be one of the five best Western screenplays of all time.
Then again, my mother always told me I had an absurd amount of unjustified self-confidence.
Senn and Mala, two rebellious alien teens, live on Terra, a beautiful planet that promotes peace and tolerance, having
long ago rejected war and weapons of mass destruction. But when Terra is invaded by human beings fleeing a civil war
and environmental catastrophe, the planet is plunged into chaos. During the upheaval, Mala befriends an injured human
pilot and each learns the two races are not so different from one another. Together they must face the terrifying
realization that in a world of limited resources, only one of their races is likely to survive.