Have you ever wondered what kind of crazy things movie theater employees have the joy of witnessing?  Well, my good friend Amy C. was nice enough to share a time when a janitor went crazy on a Tim Allen cardboard standee. Check it out and see if you can figure out why there was No Love for the Tool Man.

If you’ve read The Movie Mark much then you know that Batman is my favorite superhero.  I’ve never really been a big Superman fan.  I enjoyed Smallville, but all the movies have pretty much been garbage.  Let’s face it; Superman Returns was little more than a waste of $250 million.  However, I must say that Man of Steel looks really, really good.  I’m sure in no small part due to Christopher Nolan’s input.

But as bad as the previous Superman movies have been, did you know that the Superman averted a crisis in the 90s that stands as the “too close for comfort” cinematic equivalent of the Bay of Pigs?

“Really?  How could it have gotten any worse than Superman 3 with Richard Pryor?”

Yes, that was pretty bad, but get this: we almost had a Superman movie directed by Tim Burton, starring Nicolas Cage.  I’ll give you a moment for the laughter to subside…

Now if you want to see a small glimpse of how bad this could have been then check out the video of Superman’s light-up suit below.

I can only assume that he would’ve been most useful at Raves or disco joints.  The movie was to be titled Superman Lives.  I can neither confirm nor deny that the closing credits would’ve included Superman (in the light up suit) dancing to Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive.

The magical press row.  Pass counterfeiters.  Bathroom solicitations.  I’ve seen about everything at advanced movie screenings.

“Bathroom solicitations?”

Yes.  There was one guy who would regularly approach me in the bathroom at a screening and pitch me his idea for an Avengers movie.  We’ll get to the full story soon.

One of the first things I’m asked by friends and acquaintances when they find out that I attend the advanced movie screenings as a member of the press is, “What’s it like?”  Oh it’s like 20 shades of magical, hilarious, and strange all melded into one glorious experience.

You’ll be happy to know that I’ve decided to declassify my experiences and share them with you – my faithful readers. That’s right; all seven of you.

The stories will be a recollection of my personal experiences combined with a fusion of real-life characters who sound too outlandish to be true.  As the old saying goes, truth is stranger than fiction.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll applaud.  Or hopefully at least one of the three.

Stay tuned.  I’ll debut my first confession next week.

Christopher Shawn Shaw and comedian Thor Ramsey are currently trying to secure funding for their comedy/satire Youth Group.  You can check out their Facebook page
for more info.  You can view the trailer below.

Plot:  Native American warrior Tonto (Johnny Depp) and man of the law John Reid (Armie Hammer) are opposites brought together by fate and must join forces to battle greed and corruption.

Growing up, I was a huge fan of The Lone Ranger, so you’d think news of a movie would excite me, right?  Well, the problem is I don’t trust Hollywood.  I don’t trust ol’ H-town in general, but my skepticism kicks into high gear when my childhood memories come into play.

And let’s be honest – the sting of the CW’s Chad Michael Murray version was still fresh on my mind, despite the fact that was 10 years ago.

I saw the casting choice of Johnny Depp as Tonto to be an inspired one, but Armie Hammer as the man behind the mask?  Eh, I wasn’t sold.  He was fine in Reaper and the Facebook movie, but as the Lone Ranger?  Call me biased, but I was hoping for Josh Brolin.  Alas and alack, the man can’t star in EVERYTHING I suppose.

Then came rumors of Werewolves, Wendigos, and budget delays (oh my!), and I really lost interest.  In fact, I haven’t kept up with the movie since.

Then my brother sent a text the other day asking if I was going to see the movie.  My response:

“I doubt it.  I’ll wait until it comes on Redbox.  Doesn’t it have zombies or aliens or something weird in it?”

Werewolves and Wendigos were the rumors, as mentioned above, but my brother informed me that he didn’t think it had anything strange like that, and he said the trailer looked pretty good.

So I went ahead and watched all three trailers, and I have to say it looks like it’ll be a fun, CGI-heavy, popcorn-munching Summer blockbuster in the vein of Pirates of the Caribbean.  I can live with that.  I know some were hoping for a dark, gritty take, but come on, let’s count our blessings – werewolves and Chad Michael Murray are nowhere to be found.

Check out the latest trailer below and let me know what you think.

Argo.  Ben Affleck’s based-on-a-true-story “Movie of the Year” Oscar winner.  I finally got around to watching it last night thanks to a free Redbox code, and you know what?  It didn’t blow me away like I would expect the “movie of the year” to do.  Don’t get me wrong; I enjoyed it as a paint-by-the-numbers thriller, but can anybody tell me exactly what made this the Academy-appointed movie of 2012?

I probably shouldn’t get so hung up on the plethora of historical inaccuracies, but I have to admit I was a little disappointed when I found out that the majority of the best and most tense scenes were completely fabricated.  Therein lies the trouble with watching a movie with your smart phone in hand.  “Hmm, I wonder how much of this is true?  What??  Welp, that scene was completely made up.  Ooooh, this is tense!  Sheesh, completely fictional as well.”  Ah well, it was certainly worth a free code and 2 hours of my time.

I think what really would’ve made this a legit Oscar winner is if during the “airport runway climax,” Jim Carrey appeared out of nowhere, hijacked a mobile stairway, and pursued the plane with the Iranians.

Would’ve been awesome.

If you know my wife then you know she loves her Dr. Pepper.  Her body has adapted to it in such a way that I believe she now needs it for sustenance.  Me?  All I need to get through the day is the strength of the Lord and the smile of my wife.  Kim?  Sure, the strength of the Lord part is in there, but Dr. Pepper must be added to the mix.

So as I embarked on my latest “run to the store and get Kim Dr. Pepper before her body goes into anaphylactic shock” mission; I was excited to see that each 12-pack of Dr. Pepper came with a free Redbox rental.  Now we can throw down on some Redbox, and when the time came to cash in on the first coupon my feelings were a wild combination of excitement and nervousness.

I was excited because the following movies were available: Wreck it Ralph, Skyfall, and Argo.  Three movies both of us have been eager to see since they were released.

“Then why were you nervous?”

Ah, therein lies the crux of this story of love and sacrifice.

Continue reading “When Loving Sacrificially Goes Wrong” »

There really are no words to convey the awesomeness that is all over this. Check out the shirt that Hunter Mahan is wearing at the 1:20 mark and remember that the trend started here!

“Caught a Tiger by his tale for the Bo Van Pelt. Made a shirt from the fur ’cause I liked the way it felt.”

“Welp, that does it.  I do believe I have finally run out of things to say about this kind of movie.  You know it’s bad when a movie so lacks any hint of originality that there’s not much original to say about it in condescension.

I think the best approach to take here is to explore this movie under the umbrella of the ol’ journalism maxim of the Five Ws..”

Need a good laugh today?  Read my review of Basilisk: The Serpent King.

“‘Alone in the Dark’ likely describes the status and location that accompanied the uncontrollable sobbing of anybody who invested money in this film.”

As all you fine readers know, my old site contained almost 500 movie reviews.  A handful of them were actually pretty good.  So I’ve decided to embark on the adventure of adding the old reviews to the new site.  Not only will a good review repository bolster the site, but it will be a good way for me to post more frequently.

“But we’ve already read most of those reviews!”

Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t.  But how many times have you re-watched a good movie or re-read a good book?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  Re-read the reviews and reflect and reminisce.  You’re welcome.

Today I have updated a classic – my hilarious review of Uwe Boll’s criminally bad Alone in the Dark.  I just re-read it and laughed all over again.  You will too.

Enjoy.